Well this is a second story I wrote impulsively, but I really wanted to write it since long times ago. But I think, now is a perfect time for me. Haha. Maybe you guess that I’m freshly broken, but I’m not. I’ve had that period few weeks or months ago. I experienced some stages of pain. I’ve done some methods, strategies, including expressions to get rid of it (that I won’t mention in this time, since this is not a universal message I want to highlight).
Okay, so in this morning, I just go to Youtube and find what kind of TED Talks that can improve my confidence in this morning and relate me well. I just believe, some great people outside there have experienced at least the same level of problem I’m currently have. Since lately, I experienced a difficult relationship problem, I used these words on my search column.
“learn from broken heart ted talk”
And the first TED Talk with no-same-keywords at all, attracts me.
So in this story, I will try to elaborate the points she talked in my quite personal version. Well, of course my version isn’t comparative to her story. But I think, somehow, I learnt the same points as her. I’ll also add some best practices on my version if you or anybody who read this can try to practice.
So here we go..
1. Let go of taking things personally
Some toxic overthinking made us feel bad about ourselves. Like …
“how much the capacity of his love, so he can’t marry me”
“how far the times and things we’ve had, but he left me at the end”
and all the things that feels irrational to be happened. The things that made you questioning about yourself. Irritating your self-confidence. Taking your time uselessly. And finally made you feel sorrow.
I’ve done that period. Self-doubting. Find validation of the experience and my view.
If your case is also about self-questioning and doubting whether what you’ve experienced was true or only in your head, I’ll be the one that validate it. Your feeling is valid. Your experiences were true. But you have to notice that you have different head with him or her. So basically the different perspective might exists and each perspective can’t diminish one another. And I’ll try the best to accept it. And it works.
2. Let go of what other people think
In an open-to-public relationship, you might feel that your relationship wasn’t only about you but also for some people around you. You start to worry how people see your problem. Hmm. In my case, this is also happened a bit.
He is the one that connected to my multiple circles of friendship. I’ve also introduced him indirectly to my mother. My friends have known that we’re closed enough. And they also will notice that he chose other woman over me. My decision to not avoiding him or still be his friend seems like an identity crisis at the first time, but I don’t care how people will see me.
My best practice in this point is, don’t let people direct your decision making. The funny part was.. there might be two different parts of society that can judge whether you have to hold him, or let him go. You can listen both of them, but you’ve to validate the values by yourself. My decision sounds like stupid for a part of society, and that’s okay. I can accept it. I know what values I’m seeking for.
3. Let go of trying to be something you’re not
In my past experience, this was the point I really noticed about myself. We can’t fake ourselves. There is huge difference on “how to be better version” and “how to be different person”. The second one will make you less confident and questioning your identity. You spend a bunch of time to think whether this stuff will be noticed by him or not. If you made it, you might feel sort of happiness and excitement. But the risk is also there. You will continuously ask his validation to do the things you’re not get into it.
So my best practice is : try to redefine yourself by writing down your values and characters. Assess it.
4. Let go of the need to be perfect
Well, we’re human after all. We won’t satisfy everyone at every single time. The worst thing about relationship is the society standards.
It’s not only about the physical appearance. It’s also whether you have
So instead of being perfect on the standards you can’t measure, we can make our own progressive standards. If you think that it’s not working, ending up a relationship is not irrational.
5. Let go of “not yet”
There’s a mainstream words that we’re running on our own path and time zone. Well, sometime we just walk and sit.
This is sort of overthinking will appear if some people try end up a relationship. Worrying whether we will find the better one after him or not. And I’ll affirm that yes, you will. Or if you will not meet anyone else after him, your values at that time will make you happy. So it’s okay to not reach “the one” yet.
Because in the future time, everything we’ll have is worth the struggle we’ve done today and also the past days.
Thanks for reading this writing until this sentence. I won’t expect this writing is helpful, but I’m just happy for sharing this.
